The Best Way to Get a Baby to Sleep Is to Prove That You Are More Stubborn Than They Are!

Years ago, my brother was helping put a friend’s baby to sleep.

The baby was fussy, restless, and not at all interested in cooperating with the plan. My brother, however, was calm. He walked. He talked softly. He kept moving. He stayed kind. He did not get frustrated. He did not take it personally. He simply stayed with the process until the baby finally relaxed and drifted off to sleep.

Later, he joked that the best way to get a baby to sleep is to prove that you are more stubborn than they are.

There is a lot of wisdom in that.

Sometimes the best strategy is not to overpower someone. Sometimes it is not to win quickly. Sometimes the best strategy is simply to outlast the moment.

This is as true in a boxing ring as it is in self-defense. And it is definitely has its place when working with students.

In the self-defense world, the value of outlasting your opponent is obvious. If you are still standing when the danger is over, you get to go home. That is a pretty good outcome.

But in the teaching world, there is a similar battle going on. It may not look like a fight. There may not be punches thrown. There may not be a bell ringing at the end of each round. But there is often still a test happening.

Students come to us with challenges.

Some are nervous. Some are angry. Some are insecure. Some are distracted. Some are afraid to fail. Some have been told they are not good at things. Some have learned that adults give up on them. Some of those people have turned into adults with the same thought process! Some have learned that if they push hard enough, people will back away.

The challenges vary in intensity and direction, but one thing is common:

Before any student will truly learn from you, that student needs to trust you.

And trust is not built by one good speech.

Trust is built over time.

That means students will sometimes put roadblocks in the way. They may push your buttons. They may test your patience. They may look for the moment when you are about to crack. They may resist instruction, ignore correction, act silly, shut down, or challenge your authority.

Here is the fun part; they are doing this because they want to believe in you!

If they had already decided you were not worth trusting, they would not bother testing you.

Think about it this way: do you carefully examine milk that you are already convinced is sour, or do you just throw it away?

When a student tests you, it means they are still checking. They are asking questions without saying them out loud.

“Are you really here to help me?”

“Will you still be kind when I mess up?”

“Will you still teach me when I am difficult?”

“Will you give up on me?”

“Can I trust you?”

That does not mean we let students do whatever they want. It does not mean we ignore bad behavior. It does not mean we abandon standards. In fact, the opposite is true.

Part of being trustworthy is being consistent.

We respond with kindness. We respond with correction. We respond with structure. We respond with instruction that helps them get better at punching, kicking, moving, listening, and controlling themselves.

We also respond with patience.

Not lazy patience. Not weak patience. Real patience.

The kind of patience that says, “I am still here. I am still going to help you. I am still going to expect your best. And I am not going to fall apart just because this is taking time.”

That is a powerful message, but it is one that they may never have heard.

But they have been looking for!

Instructors sometimes feel like every class needs to produce immediate progress. We want the student to get the technique today. We want the attitude to improve today. We want the behavior to change today.

Sometimes it does.

Sometimes it does not.

But the bigger test is time.

How long will we as instructors stay devoted to the student’s success?

Are you willing to go the distance?

A boxer who panics in the first round may never make it to the later rounds where the fight can be won. An instructor who gets discouraged too quickly may never see the breakthrough that was just around the corner.

Some students need to see that you are not easily shaken.

They need to see that your kindness is not fragile.

They need to see that your standards do not disappear when they complain.

They need to see that your confidence in them is stronger than their doubt in themselves.

That is where the instructor has to be, in the best sense of the word, stubborn.

Stubborn about helping.

Stubborn about caring.

Stubborn about holding the line.

Stubborn about believing that the student can improve, even when the student is not yet sure of it.

Just like my brother walking calmly with that fussy baby, part of our duty is to stay steady long enough for the student to settle. Long enough for the student to trust. Long enough for the student to realize we are not their enemy.

We are their coach.

We are their guide.

We are on their side.

And when they finally understand that, learning becomes much easier.

So the next time a student tests you, try not to see it only as resistance. It may also be an invitation.

They may be asking, “Are you strong enough, patient enough, and committed enough to help me get better?”

Our answer should be clear.

Yes - I am more stubborn about your success than you are!!!